Bali has so much hype, you may wonder if it can live up to such high expectations. Yes, it can! This island paradise, one of Indonesia’s 17,000 islands, is often regarded as Australia’s favorite place to party abroad. There are so many Aussies that local prices are often listed in Australian dollars. Yet, Bali is much more than an Australian vacation.

For starters, Bali is a vibrant pocket of Hinduism in the most Islamic country on Earth —yet the local religion is vastly different from Hinduism in India. Secondly, though the economy depends heavily on tourism, the locals rarely expect tips or harass visitors for business. From the moment we left the airport, I was pleasantly surprised by the warmth emanating from the Balinese people, which seems to prevail throughout the culture.

And that was just the beginning.

As you may suspect, we chose to visit Bali for the picturesque landscapes and natural attractions, including the black beaches, turquoise water, wildlife, volcanos, waterfalls, and mild warm weather. Bali is gorgeous. What I didn’t expect, however, was how much I would adore Bali’s cultural landscape. 

I’ve never been so impressed by a country’s taste in architecture, fashion, music, and artwork as I am with Bali. The island is a constant source of aesthetic pleasure. In my travels, so much of the art I see in various tourist-zones often range from quaint to tacky, neither of which is the case in Bali. In my opinion, Balinese art achieves what I think all art should do: alter perspective. In other words, it blew my mind. To my relief (and gratitude), the Balinese sense of beauty is so bewitching, it even rivals the island’s natural beauty.

Imagine walking on an artist’s easel…Towering bamboo poles (called penjors) stretch over the dusty streets, adorned with radiant cloths and strung leaves. The sights of these lofty, vertical shrines are dazzling, especially as they sparkle in the sun or sway in the wind. Naturally, they invite your eyes to the temples below them, in the way a crude billboard could never aspire to.

When it comes to the temple walls, your eyes may follow the contours of cubic lines and diamond-shaped silhouettes of intricately cut grey-black stone, stabbing the blue sky. Balinese temples are so unique they are called puras. Most temples are characterized by pagoda-like rooftops, and almost always consist of outdoor compounds, divided by green gardens and rock-walled enclosures. At the door of each entrance stand various statues, like sandstone gnomes, designed to look demonic, grotesque, or both. With so many such temples, Bali is called the Island of a Thousand Puras, and believe me, I don’t tend to get excited about visiting temples. Bali brings it out of me. 

Balinese folk just have good taste. The Property Brothers would be hard-pressed to improve upon the island’s knack of looking good. Nearly everything, from the typical color schemes of clothing to the eerie masks hanging in storefronts, all contribute to Bali’s overall esthetic pleasure. Bali even smells good. Whether you’re in the airport or at some bustling street market, the scent of incense sticks to everything, giving the entire place a soft distinctive aroma. Just wow.

Getting Around

Now that I’ve shouted my love from the rooftops, let me address my biggest qualm with Bali: the traffic. The traffic sucks. Sure, Bali is no Bangkok —or any other modern metropolis with a public train or subway. Even if there is a public bus in Bali, it’d make little difference. The narrow, serpentine streets were never meant for its population. At times, even walking on foot is preferable to sitting in a taxi during any one of the city’s daily rush-hours.

In terms of sightseeing, therefore, we recommend sightseeing multiple destinations on any given day, particularly if embarking on a cross-island adventure. You won’t want to sit in rush-hour to see merely one (or two) attractions. Luckily, many of the main attractions are clustered close to each other.

Furthermore, we recommend having a (reliable) taxi-driver, with whom you can negotiate a flat rate for the day. It will be relatively inexpensive and will spare you the hassle of navigating routes or planning the specifics of an itinerary. With a local driver, you may even gain some discounts (at the local price!), when purchasing entrance fees at certain attractions. Suherman was the name of our driver (more on Balinese names later). If using a foreign SIM card, you may contact him on his WhatsApp number at +62 881 0376 7981.

My (only) Other Qualm

The tap-water in Bali is a little gross. Sometimes it smells. When taking a shower, it sometimes tastes like you’re gargling salt-water, without intending to. Like most places in Asia: don’t drink it.

On the flip side, I’m a big fan of the bum-guns situated in almost every Balinese washroom. These little spray-guns are often found alongside the toilet like a gun in its holster, ready to clean-that-ass. Bum-guns make toilet paper look like the Stone Age.

So now that we’ve addressed my two qualms, let’s dive into what you can do on your Balinese adventure!

Kuta and Kuta Beach (the Australian tourist neighborhood)

For convenience, this article will emphasize the impression that Bali looks like the left profile of a chicken. It also looks like its laying an egg —the egg being Penida Island directly south-east from the main part of Bali island. Following this analogy, the airport is located at the ankles of the vague-shaped chicken feet, in Bali’s south end. 

In the southern area, on the narrow strip of land, connecting the peninsula to the main island is Kuta: the official Australian tourist-zone. This neighborhood is nestled nicely in a jam-packed area, rife with nightlife, bars, and shopping spots. Picture Steam Punk barbershops and tattoo parlors, hipster breakfast diners and foreigner karaoke bars. There is also a unique abundance of yoga pants and, just under the Hindu veneer and organic food culture, is a strange fetishization of Native American art. I scratched my head at the profusion of Dream Catchers and wondered if what Canadian First Nations would think of the feathered (Chief) head-dress industry in Bali. It’s an odd twist of cultural appropriation. That aside, Kuta remains a wonderful vacation spot for partying and merrymaking.

On a side note, Kuta Beach is amazing.

Sacred Monkey Forest Sanctuary

Cost: $6 USD

About an hour’s drive north from Kuta, somewhere near the chicken’s heart, is the Sacred Monkey Forest Sanctuary. Unlike many other animal-themed parks, with domestic or semi-wild animals, this monkey park can be very interactive! For instance, if you merely extend your arm toward any one of the monkeys (sitting shoulder level from you), they may accept your invitation and climb on you! Of course, you should zip-up your bags and pockets and refrain from wearing sunglasses, etc. You should also expect an unpleasant monkey smell on your clothing for the rest of the day.

This amusing experience is easily worth several hours of wandering. It’s also rather inexpensive.

Pura Desar Batuan (temple)

Fee: 2 USD

Ten kilometers away from the Sacred Monkey forest, perhaps at the chicken’s knee bone, is the famous Pura Desar Batuan temple. Given its proximity, it is ideal to see this thousand-year-old temple before (or after) you’re finished monkeying around. 

Before entering the temple grounds, you will be required to wear a sarong around your legs, which are given out to borrow free of charge. Inside the temple await beautiful statues and elaborate carvings in classical Balinese style.

As a side-note, even an innocent peck-on-the-cheek is strictly forbidden. Being a religious sanctum, there’s no kissing allowed!

Swing into Instagram Paradise (Aloha Abud Swing)

Close to both the Sacred Monkey Forest (and Pura Desar Batuan temple) is Bali island’s iconic photography park called Aloha Abud Swing. Uniquely catered to stage photos for Instagram, this iconic playground consists of dozens of swing-sets (and swinging beds), constructed human-sized bird nests and all things in between. It’s not cheap, and sometimes requires you to wait in lineups at various stations for your turn, but the staff is helpful (and enthusiastic!) and always ready to shoot you with fancy cameras. Waiting for you at the exit, are more staff members posted at several computers to collect all your photos and digitally deliver them to you via email or directly on Instagram.

Borang Dance

One of the highlights of our Bali experience was seeing the Borang dance. This ceremonial play is a traditional performance, with interludes including song, dance, and a variety of life-sized puppets and costumes. Replete with physical humor (and sprinkled with sexual innuendo), this 60-90 minute performance is worth checking out —for the Balinese (and Javanese) music alone.

A general understanding of the story will further enhance your enjoyment. From what I’ve gathered, the Borang tale is a classic depiction of the battle between good and evil, between Barong, a panther-like creature, and a demon-queen, droopy-breasted Rangda. As the tale goes, the demon-queen began practicing black magic, which caused her father (Eriangga) to condemn her. Angry at her father’s reaction, the droopy-boobed queen gathered the evil spirits of the jungle to attack him. She was so powerful, she cast a spell over all of her father’s soldiers, causing them to kill themselves. As a result, the father asks Barong for help who helped the soldiers resist the spell. In the end, Barong wins and Rangda flees. 

Throughout the performance, there may also be guest appearances of Barong’s monkey friend. Also, to avoid confusion, be aware that Borang can transform into a wild pig, snake, or dragon.

Tanah Lot (Ocean temple)

An hour’s drive from the airport, along the western coast (maybe at the chicken’s belly-button), lies Tanah Lot. This ocean-front temple is characterized by the peculiar rock formations and the lore that centers around them, since the 1500s. Originally an ancient Hindu pilgrimage temple, local Balinese legend claims that a god (named Dang Hyang Nirartha) created this beautiful setting. After wooing some bewildered fisherman, he urged them to build a shrine in honor of the sea gods. To protect the site against evil spirits, he then littered poisonous serpents all around the area. 

To this day, various locals are willing to accept a small fee to show you some of the “holy snakes”. You may also allow these locals (for a small fee) to anoint you with holy spring water, place a Bindi on your forehead, and a flower in your hair.

Religion aside, the natural scene of waves pounding through the tiny inlets of jagged stone, and soft beach sand is inviting in its own right. There is also a nearby art market and several places to eat and meander.

Regarding the entrance fee, which is three times the price of the local price, you may want to ask your driver to purchase tickets for you.

Wild Manta Rays! (Lembongan Island )

Among the many things to see, capturing a glimpse of the country’s wild manta rays is one of the most popular attractions. However, you may want to discern between Manta beach (off Lembongan Island) and Manta Point (off Komodo island). In short, judging by our experience and subsequent online reviewing, seeing manta rays at Manta beach is hit-or-miss (to put it lightly). Manta Point, on the other hand, is a better bet —though it requires a plane ride to Labuan Bajo island. See our INT Bali Island Hopping article.

In any case, though we didn’t see manta rays at Manta beach, it was still a beautiful scenery to enjoy. Schools of fish swam inches away below our goggles, in the shallow turquoise waters. The sky blue horizon and colorful coral also contributed to an unforgettable day —albeit no manta rays

About the Coffee…

Among the interesting Balinese things to drink, Luwak coffee is everywhere. This coffee is named after the Kopi Luwak animal (a “civet cat”), which looks like a large ferret-looking animal. If you haven’t heard, brace yourself: this coffee is harvested from the animal’s feces. The idea is twofold: first, a Luwak (also spelled “Luak”) only selects the finest coffee beans. Secondly, the coffee beans, slowly ferment in the Luwak’s digestive tract, where it is endowed with its unique taste. As you may suspect, some people are concerned about the welfare of Luwaks in captivity.

In any case, if drinking poo-coffee isn’t your cup of tea, Bali also boasts many alternative coffees such as coffee blends with ginseng, coconut or, my favorite, ginger coffee. In terms of instant coffee, I suggest staying away from it altogether. Stick to the cafes with real espresso. The instant coffee in Bali is mud.


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