[South Africa] Tracing a Happy Face

South Africa is a stunning country. It has history, natural beauty, a stunning variety of cultures, and no shortage of must-see world attractions. Lovingly regarded as the “Rainbow Nation”, it is a country that has also had the mixed blessing of addressing some of the world’s most pertinent problems, such as racism —and recently, water shortages. To further explore these issues, including further safety tips, read our [South Africa] Getting Down in Cape Town.

I don’t intend to wax poetic over serious matters, but when visiting South Africa I often catching myself musing on the way that “pressure” literally makes diamonds. South Africa, a diamond-rich nation (who has certainly suffered because of the fact), seems to demonstrate how hardship seems to bring out the very best in people. At the risk of sounding ridiculous, South Africa makes me love people. As a result of its grim Apartheid past, it is a country that deeply values democracy, acceptance of racial (and LGBT) differences —having seen the effects of bigotry and racism. Pressures that have created diamonds under the ground, seems to have created diamonds in the people above it. Don’t get me wrong —people are people everywhere, but for some curious reason I have had seen too many smiles in South Africa to deny it has something special.

Ultimately, one of my primary interests in the country (besides my mother’s being South African) is the way that South Africa is a place relevant to everyone. In short, the land of South Africa hosted the very first human family of all time: the Bushmen people. This indigenous group, most commonly recognized by the “clicks” in their language, have been identified as the genetic ancestors of all people today. In other words, they are the figurative Adams and Eves of all humans alive, today. To that extent, South Africa is everyone’s Motherland.

Nowadays, the Bushmen have almost entirely fused with South Africa’s Xhosa and Zulu people, who comprise the majority of South Africa. Even so, you can still hear the lingering clicks of the Bushmen language when listening to South Africans speak, especially Xhosa (the language of Nelson Mandela and Trevor Noah).

That aside, let’s delve into how to visit the large country that is South Africa. Embarking on such an ambitious adventure is best achieved by beginning in Johannesburg (where your airplane will likely land). From there, you can make your way to Cape Town through South Africa’s Garden Route”, riding along the southern coast. Besides being continually close to the beaches, your trip will also literally trace a winding happy face from Johannesburg, through Cape Town, up towards the border of Namibia. Before we begin, be aware that South Africa, being a large country, will require ample time to accomplish this “Happy Face”. If your vacation time is scarce, you may need to endure some long bus-rides. Even so, there is so much scenery to see along the counters of South Africa’s Smile:

Spend some time in a Township (Soweto, Johannesburg)

Once you touch down in Johannesburg, consider beginning your journey on the outskirts of the city —in Soweto, a historic locale an hour drive away from the Johannesburg airport. I highly recommend booking a bed (or hostel room) at Lebo’s Soweto Backpackers, who are very accommodating to newbie tourists who desire a safe, fun place to stay. Take advantage of the Township Tour they provide, whereby small-groups are safely led through the local neighbourhood on bicycles, tasting the various township foods (and corn beer). It is a magnificent experience.

Also, from this hostel, you can take a taxi to downtown Soweto —or wave down a “bus” (technically a minivan) if you have the tourist-courage. Take a look at the photo below to get familiar with the required “hand-signals”, which indicate your destination to the drivers passing by. Fortunately, most people speak English so I never had to use these hand-signals. When you arrive downtown, you will quickly notice that this area is a well-established tourist-spot. Its popularity centers around its two heritage sites: Nelson Mandela’s former home (the Mandela House) and the home of Desmond Tutu (the Tutu House). You will see for yourself that they were literally neighbors! What are the odds of two Nobel Prize winners sharing the same street address?!

What you need to know:

Most tourists will shy away from Soweto, purely out of safety concerns —which is justified. Make sure to read the safety tips in our Travel Fear and [South Africa] Getting Down in Cape Town articles.

The Big Jo’Berg Herself

Johannesburg is a massive city. Though it is a little “rough around the edges” (not entirely safe), there is a reputable bus service called “Hop-on-Hop-off”, which can safely take you through the various neighborhoods. That said, you may not want to “hop off” downtown if you are traveling alone.

Safety aside, keep your eyes out for rooftop patios —or signs that indicate popular places to eat and drink. With any luck, you can find yourself holding a beer before a beautiful view of the city. Though it is a distance from the “Hop-on-Hop-off” bus route, there is an interesting restaurant aptly called Carnivore, offering all-you-can-eat African meat, including Springbok, Gemsbok, Venison, Crocodile, and others. Arrive hungry.

What you need to know:

If you require a taxi in Jo’Burg, ensure that it is actually from a registered taxi business —not a random individual or someone’s acquaintance.

World Famous Kruger National Park

This is not only a must-do activity in South Africa but a bonafide Bucket-List item. This is literally where so many of those National Geographic documentaries are filmed, capturing videos of lions, water buffalo, rhinos, leopards, and elephants (collectively called The Big Five). There are several reserves to choose from, including private ones, beyond the scope of this article. I particularly like the ones that allow you to drive your own vehicle. What they all have in common is that you can expect to start your day extremely early — catering to the schedule of animals. Keep your camera ready at all times.

Interestingly, this famous park was initially established to thwart illegal immigrants from entering the country through the Zimbabwe border. Even so, many individuals from Zimbabwe and other northern countries continue to enter South Africa this way: walking on foot through a fluctuating wall of wild lions and hyenas. Not only that, but most of these undertakings occur at night!

Durban

Five odd-hours south-east from Jo’Burg is Durban. Here, you may see what you don’t expect: Durban has the most highly concentrated area of Indian people, outside India. Of course, the most famous Indian-South African is Gandhi (Yes, he was South African!). With that in mind, you can check out the various Indian marketplaces, eat some of the world’s best curry, and imagine you have somehow traveled to India. Once you exit the Indian marketplaces, however, you will probably see the most stereotypical “African” people as depicted in movies. Here, close to the Swaziland border, you may glimpse those literally wearing leopard-skin leggings, headscarves, and those African “man-dresses”. This is the traditional Zulu outfit. When you are in Durban you are in” Zulu-Land”.

You are also close to the country of Swaziland, led by a controversial Zulu King who, not only possesses a plethora of private plans —while his country plunges into deep poverty but also has a daughter who is a well-known rapper.

Get Another Passport Stamp (Lesotho)

Lesotho could easily comprise a one day trip. This country (within South Africa) also happens to include “The Highest Pub in Africa”. Basically, you can book a bus-ride to take you through the border and up the mountain where Shaka Zulu successfully defended Zululand against the British in 1879. Famously, he was the only African military leader to defeat the Brits, and among the very few in the world. What remains of his historical vestige is an isolated, mountain community mostly catered to tourists that, upon visiting, makes you feel like you are in Tibet —but populated by African folks wearing thick wooly sherpa clothes.

Go to Oudtshoorn, or…do the World’s Highest Bungee Jump

The shortest journey from Lesotho to Oudtshoorn is 11 hours if you travel directly. Alternatively, you can head to the city of East London (10 hours away) or the city of Port Elizabeth (10 hours away). To break up the travel time, perhaps the ideal way is to take an 8-hour journey toward Mount Zebra National Park. From there you will be a mere 4-5 hours away from Oudtshoorn!

Another option is to see the world’s highest bungee jump: Bloukrans Bridge. You will literally be jumping off a bridge, facing your imminent death as you plummet towards the river below. If that is not your cup-of-tea, the city of Plettenberg Bay is also worth checking out. You can easily idle a few hours (or a few days), basking in this quaint oceanfront tourist city.

See the Famous Cango Caves and Ride an Ostrich (Oudtshoorn)

By now, our Happy-Face of an adventure is three-quarters completed! Welcome to the beautiful town of Oudtshoorn. Translated in Afrikaans as “Ostrich”, this is the town that provided Europe those ostrich-feathered scarves that were the fashion-craze of the 1920s. You can still recognize their iconic presence in vintage black-and-white films. Today, Oudtshoorn continues to be one of the world’s ostrich ranching capitals. Therefore, there are several ostrich farms to visit (you may even ride an ostrich!). At the very least, make sure to try ostrich-neck stew —a dietary relic of the Bushmen.

In addition, Oudtshoorn also provides crocodile-cage diving! Similar to bungee jumping (see #6) or shark-diving (see #9), here is another opportunity to flirt with death. Rather than waiting for sharks to arrive directly ahead of you, however, here a swarm of crocodiles can quickly approach your Tweetie-Bird cage from any direction. Also, as this activity takes place in a crocodile sanctuary, an intimate experience is basically guaranteed. It is a fantastic way to encounter these reptiles in action, and not just lazily sunbathing.

Continuing northward from Oudtshoorn resides the world-famous Cango Caves, a brief 30-minute drive away. Described as a “geological masterpiece”, these caves are an impressive example of how moist limestones, slowly dripping with moisture for over 4500 million years, can create ghostlike images and rooms reminiscent of vampire fangs. You will understand why many of its attractions are named The Coffin and The Devil’s Chimney. For an inexpensive entrance fee, you can meander through these limestone rooms and creepy corridors, illumined by lamps resembling Christmas lights. “Adventure Tours” are also available for those who dare to crawl through its passages and climb its steep rock formations. Obviously, that is not for claustrophobic folks.

Party and/or Visit a Vineyard in Stellenbosch

It is time to take our wheels westward, where four or five hours on the N2 highway, you will arrive at Stellenbosch. My personal reason for visiting here is twofold: this nice-looking university town has an uncountable number of places to dine and drink (although many are quite “snooty”/“bourgie”). In my opinion, it is best to stick to the younger, student establishments. Secondly, Stellenbosch is where South Africa’s famous wine vineyards are located. In any case, your time spent in Stellenbosch will likely not be sober. There are quite a few different vineyard tours to choose from.

Go Shark Cage-Diving (Gansbaai) or See Humpbacks Hump (Hermanus)

Congratulations! You are now an hour and a half away from Cape Town. Before approaching its city limits, however, there is one final must-do: swim in shark waters. Alternatively, you could also watch hundreds of Humpback Whales have sex. Admittedly, this is a strange set of choices, but if you come at the right time you can do both. In regards to the latter, the whales are technically Southern Right Whales but, true to my word, they are definitely humping.

Two hours away from Cape Town is the small fishing village of Gansbaai. This is one of the world’s best spots to see Great Whites and other magnificent sharks. You can pick amongst many companies that offer daily tours. A typical trip with consist of a 10-minute boat ride towards the center of the menacing shark waters. When the area is deemed dangerous enough, you will then be instructed to put on a wetsuit (the water is freezing) and climb into a metal cage, from the side of the boat. Following several warnings to keep your hands inside the cage, they will drop the metal cage until it is half-submerged in the icy ocean water. Then you will simply wait for a close-encounter, while the crew soaks the currents with fish bait. Like Kruger National Park, this activity a Bucket-List item.

Afterward, if you haven’t been eaten by a shark, it will be time to drive another half-hour towards the quaint town of Hermanus. Between the months of June to November, travelers gather on the beach to watch the mating rituals of these kinky beasts. Other than that, there isn’t much else to do in Hermanus except for typical tourist activities, such as shopping and drinking.

See Wild Penguins in Simon’s Town (Cape Town)

You have finally arrived in Cape Town! True to the [South Africa] Getting Down in Cape Town article, this city is one of my favorite places on Earth. Before heading into the busy metropolis, however, you may want to spend some time in Simon’s Town. Halfway down the stretch of the Cape Peninsula, this is the migration site of wild penguins, freshly arriving from Antarctica. Simon’s Town is also a great place to dine on the wide selection of fresh fish and other seafood. If you seek amusement, visit the docks where fishermen work and cast away their throwaway fish —the seals (often surprisingly large!) always give good entertainment to their spectators. True to their reputation, these “dogs of the sea” are attention-seekers.

What you need to know:

Throw the seals an occasional fish, but be wary. They are often unpredictable —and they are massive. Though friendly, they are still wild animals —and not necessarily safe around children. Recall this youtube video of one particular seal that (playfully) pulled a small child into the water. Spoiler alert: nothing disastrous happened, but could have.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRupvfkOG70

At this point, you are already a mere half-hour away from the Cape of Good Hope: the southernmost part of the Cape Town peninsula. You have driven so far, it would be a shame not to make one last pit-stop for a magnificent photo.

Trek to Sossusvlei (Namibia)

Granted, though this is not South Africa, it is still a wonderful way to officially complete tracing a Happy Face. Also, this iconic dessert is where Jennifer Lopez filmed the classic movie The Cell, and it possesses some of the world’s most stunning sand dunes. From Cape Town, you can take an overnight bus, which will include a brief border crossing in the middle of the night. This 15-hour road trip is absolutely worth it. The city of Windhoek itself is also a charming city to spend a few days in. Bringing us full circle, this area is one of the most famous areas in terms of Bushmen people.